What we do or don't learn from our father ultimately affects our perception of the world and of men. Being a woman, this will be controversial for me to admit, but I understand the hierarchy of men in the world; I even respect it to some degree. However, women are trailblazing the "new" society that we live. Although tradition is still present, the dynamic of a woman's role in business, politics, and the world as a whole continues to globalize. I'd like to thank the "Daddy Dearest" for this phenomenal rise of women in power.
A Daddy Dearest is a man that you write letters to in thought because he doesn't exist or is not truly present in the life that he helped give you. It's the man that you should feel closest too, but that you feel more distant from than anyone in your life. The absence of fathers has made woman just as strong as their presence. What better motivation is there than to seek a status equal to or more than your father? This is not a rant or diss to my father or any father; I want to make that clear. Nevertheless, it is about how my relationship with my father, and many men in my life, helped mold me into the woman I am today.
My father wasn't present in my life for many years; in fact, there have been times that we've gone a year without any communication. For whatever the reason, I'm not mad at him for not understanding his role as a father enough to be a part of my life. I will never point the finger at him for any weakness when it comes to men. The truth is, I am stronger because of his absence. I learned to depend on myself when I needed all the things that traditionally fathers are supposed to be there for. I surrounded myself with other strong male figures and I used the image of them to prototype, not what I wanted in a man, but what I wanted for myself.
However, I must give contributions to the men in my life: To my uncles who put me on a pedestal, "their golden-child", and taught me not to take mess from anyone; to my cousins that "put me onto game"; to my God-father who played such a pivotal role in my upbringing and taught me that there really are good men in this world; to my father who taught me that there was a such thing as "hustling" by working hard, and that talent can be found within any person; to all of these men in my life that challenged me, whether they knew it or not, to be better than just average. It took a combination of extraordinary men, just as much as women, to shape me into the woman I am today. Because of all of them, I have never felt I've wanted for anything missing in my life.
To my father, Daddy Dearest, you're more iconic than you think. You've become an intricate motivation in my life, and for that I thank you. And, for all the little girls and boys turned women and men, it's ok to forgive your Daddy Dearest. It's even ok to allow them the opportunity to make a "Comeback" in your life.
For those of you who have Daddy Dearest and use it as an excuse to harbor negative traits, change your perception; reinvent your mindset. Whether you are a woman or man, Daddy Dearest cannot keep you from growing, from succeeding, or from happiness unless you allow them. There comes a point in your life that you have a choice to eliminate the things that weigh heavily on your shoulders. Store that weight as fuel to your fire and not ice on your soul.
When we choose to run rapid with finger pointing reasons as to "why" we can't do better for ourselves, we're leaving out the most important person in the equation: Ourself. A healthy mindset will lead to better decisions, choices, opportunities, and results.
Don't LIVE for what Daddy Dearest never represented, LIVE for what he does: YOUR LIFE.