Relationships are complex. The exhaustion that goes into building quality relationships, of all kinds, is edifying. Perhaps the most dedicating thing a person can ever do in their life time is commit to a relationship. As gratifying as relationships are, they can also be very dangerous.
At the tail end of my college years, I realized that I was in a vile relationship; a relationship so embedded in false comfort and satisfying irresponsibility that I found it lustful. Sinfulness delights can be so addicting, and as I began to fall victim to the seduction of comfort I almost forgot about the most important relationship in my life: the one with myself.
Before conclusions are drawn, there must be clarification of this "wreckless" behavior I fell victim to. I simply was living the comforts of robotic routine: go to class, go to work, chill. A constant medley of persistent behaviors that did not involve reflection or progression. Although, I was working towards my bachelors and for most people my illustration of routine seems like a justifiable routine to fall into, I knew that my inability to do more than the minimum was putting me behind the curve of at least 30% of my generation. Thus, the gap between my current status and those 30%-ers started long ago.
It's funny how we are able to reflect on what we COULD have done when we SHOULD have done it. I love when people start a sentence with, "If only I had known then what I know now". What I can say without a doubt is that my 20 something self taught my 30 self to dig deeper; to dig deeper in working for my aspirations and goals. That 20 year old taught this 30 year old that life is the most eternal "now" that we have, and that to me defines living it to the fullest.
When I feel like I've come to the end of my ability, the end of the energy that drives my motivation- I dig deeper. I dig for that 20 something ability and energy that I didn't use then; those leftovers from a decade ago. It's amazing how my 20 year old self has such a deep impact on the pursuit of my definition of LIVING. Living with a deeper commitment to living a life fulfilled with effort and recognition of when I need to hold myself accountable and dig deeper. "I hope I always know now what I didn't know then."