I have failed not to fail over and over again, but I have learned so much about who I am and what really matters to me through those failures. Why do we settle on resting weary? Attempting to snuggle our doubts and apprehension into our hearts, as if it feeds on agony. Why do we marginalize our expectation of others, while scrutinizing our expectations of ourselves? When did disappointment become an acceptable form of attachment? Sometimes, we are willing to lose so much to gain so little. We run our bodies and emotions to death continuously trying, granting pardons, and making exceptions to the behavior and habits of the people and circumstances that negatively affect us; only to live for those ‘short circuit’ moments of acknowledgement and temporary satisfaction. In this state, we are steadily at battle with ourselves. While we work overtime to mold others to be what we wish they could be, on the reverse we slowly melt away who we are. And yet, we rage against being cautious of our worries, concerns, and uncertainties and thrust ourselves into obstacles that we fully recognize but do not know how to release. I have been at odds with obstacles, knowingly and willingly. These experiences have taught me more about life than many of my accomplishments. At 32, I think deliberately about who I am. While I am gratefully still a work in progress, I have learned that I cannot be better to or for someone else than I am to myself. This is not to be confused with being selfish or vain, it is a true acceptance that the expectations that I have for any facet of a relationship, albeit friendship, family, or partner, I am worthy of those expectations because I will give them in return tenfold. It is not ‘credit’ that I seek, it is to know that I never have to wear a mask or facade for people who willingly know and accept me for who I am and vice versa. At what point do our tears become so heavy that we realize something is wrong; something is off; something is simply not right. To realize, under this condition of self-sabotage we are not fulfilled with living.
After-the-fact people are concerning. I would rather a person tell me “I told you so” and actually have “told me so”, than those who become bystanders and watch me drown or swim in muddy waters. Sometimes attempting to do nothing while a person stumbles, is the same as rooting against them. Anyone that you feel a sense of connection to enough to say that you have a relationship (friend, family, partner), should always be proactive in protecting, supporting, and helping you ‘in the moment’ of your worst and best of times; not after the moment passes. Whether you speak or act guided by opinion or fact, if you have a person’s best interest at heart and you see signs that they are in an unhealthy or unhappy state, or on the verge of damaging who they are and the positive things that they have built in their life- as so long as your intensions are grounded in wanting the very best for them you should cast away any degree of caution that you may have of losing a relationship with them for speaking-up. At the end of the day, love is a sacrifice of our vulnerability. Loving anyone, at times will be tough; gritty; seemingly impossible to grab a hold on; un-controllable. Nevertheless, when you genuinely love and care for someone the unconditional supersedes all else. The worse should be watching a person you love ‘in the moment’ of worry, stress, pain, anger, struggle, contemplation- any form that is not in the presence of seeing them in JOY. For this, is the heaviest of tears. Personally, I want love to sit with me in the presence of the moment and not be the scolder of judgment after-the-fact; I want the same for those that I love.
Be a Cheerleader of Your Harmony So That You Can Do the Same for Others
We all dance to a beat of a different drum. We share some similar beats, but ultimately we have a unique harmony in life that is authentic to us. There are few people in my life that I know will cheer for me, even when my harmony is not in succinct with theirs. To be clear, they cheer for my harmony and not my woes or downfalls. Our life is always in the present; how we feel about it, what it looks like, and what it sounds like- we just have to listen and watch closely. Is it consistent? Is it our life that we are living? Are we present in it? Take for example, sitting in the doctor’s office 15 minutes past your appointment time. What begins to happen to your body and mind when you are waiting and anticipating? Are you calm or on edge? Waiting around to live is very similar to that feeling in a superlative form. Many people think that the more they do the more they are living. However, what if everything you are doing amounts to nothing significant in your life? What if it does nothing to propel positive changes in your life? Grow you? What if the investment is only leading you backwards? Does what you are doing inspire and motivate the very best of who you are? Life cheerleaders know how to cheer for others, because they know how to cheer for themselves. They know how to recognize what their life looks life, and how to proceed in changing the things that continue to drag them down or stunt their growth. It is amazing how faithful we can be to those ‘short circuit’ people and moments, and dismissive and sometimes vile to the people that love us tough, deep, and above all absolutely. Do not be afraid to ask for your joy. The unhealthiest thing we can do to ourselves is stop advocating for what we need.
Tears of Joy
It took almost 3 decades for me to understand tears of joy. For a long time, I thought that hurt, pain, and sappy moments that really where connected to a recall of hurt, pain, or disappointment, were the only emotions that really brought tears. I’ll say this and allow everyone reading to have their own private thought: Someone in your life will tell you that they love you, and you will feel such a surge of unexplainable surprise, energy, and emotion that it will bring you to the sweetest and deepest tears. And, this love- this feeling will not be anything like you have ever experienced. It won’t be a short circuit. It will adorn your heart with everlasting beauty, and it will stay. What you do with it, is up to you. But, you will know what it is because it is something that you will always feel comfort in; something that you will want to have cheering in every moment of your life for a lifetime. Those tears, those rare massive elephant rains of pure elation, are the ones that make life such a constant favor.